By George I’ve think they got it!

Environmental groups have finally figured out how to get the general public to understand that global warming is a real and viable threat. By directly connecting the earth’s changing atmosphere to the detrimental effects it will have on our everyday lives, these groups may have finally come up with a realistic way to show society what catastrophe awaits us.

And the answer was only a twist cap away.

Last week a new warning was announced that global warming could affect the production of beer.

That’s right, BEER - that golden brew symbolizing all that is good and pure in our world - could be affected. It could be lost forever. Or, at the very least, cost a few dollars more per case.

Watch how many non-essential lights get turned off now.

But what if this was only the beginning? If environmentalists continue to grasp the types of issues that the public truly cares about, then they could issue a slew of warnings to successfully scare people into caring more about the planet:

•It was announced today that ‘American Idol’ may be forced to cancel one of their multiple weekly television broadcasts due to the ongoing damage being done to the Arctic by greenhouse gas emissions. While ‘American Idol’ refuses to confirm or deny the correlation between the melting glaciers and the ice in Simon Cowl’s veins, the connection seems obvious enough.

•A group of scientists released a statement this week revealing that the growing depletion of the atmosphere’s ozone has allowed deadly space alien DNA to filter down to Earth. This alien DNA has the ability to attach itself to anyone who leaves their vehicle idling for more than one minute.

•Tim Hortons officials confirmed this morning that beginning in May they will be switching to ‘soy donuts’ due to the scarcity of wheat. This coming on the heels of last month’s ‘tofu bean coffee’ substitute has left anxious patrons scrounging the streets for their caffeine and carb fix.

•Paparazzi began to spontaneously combust yesterday as a combination of toxic gas and smog ignited the flash of their cameras. Millions of people everywhere are now holding their breath to find out where Tom Cruise ate dinner last night.

•A record number of voters turned out today to vote in the federal election. This, after it was revealed that only those who cast a ballot to answer a referendum question on climate change would be allowed to know the final outcome of this season’s ‘Dancing with the Stars’.

Hopefully these types of warnings will do the trick before things go too far and extreme measures need to be taken. Opening people’s eyes about the fate of the Earth by threatening that which they hold dear is one thing...

•The NHL announced today that hockey is a thing of the past. Due to a global lack of water (and therefore ice), the game of hockey as we know it is now over. Beginning next week CBC’s ‘Opera Night in Canada’ will air in its place.

...starting a riot is quite another.