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Catherine's policy of keeping pets out of the Cunningham household should be an easy one to keep - she hopes!

This smelly world needs more baking soda

Spaghetti For Breakfast

BY Catherine Cunningham, Humour Columnist June 16, 2009 08:06

I have lived my entire adult life believing that if I leave an open box of baking soda in my fridge, it will trap any unpleasant odours. I have no idea if this is actually true.

If I open the fridge and there are no unpleasant smells, I assume that the baking soda is working. If I open the fridge and my eyes water, I assume the baking soda needs replacing. I sometimes forget the every three months rule. But either way, I have put my trust in the power of baking soda.

So much so that it occurred to me the other day that it might be advantageous to put a box in my vehicle. Not because it smells badly, but because once again an event has occurred that left me nauseated and frantically gasping for clean air while driving.

I drove past a skunk.

I don't care who you are, skunk spray is not a pleasant aroma. There is never any question about what you smell. In fact there is instantaneous recognition and corresponding raising of the hand to cover your nose.

"Ugh. Skunk."

"Press the air circulation button."

"No. Wait. Why?"

"Because it'll re-circulate the air within the van. It won't bring in the outside air."

"But I don't want to breathe re-circulated skunk air!"

"Then open your window."

"That'll just let in fresh skunk air! I want to turn on the a/c!"

"It's not hot out."

"But we're trapped in the van with skunk smell. Do you know the chemical compound of skunk smell? What if it heats up the air? I don't want to be breathing hot re-circulated skunk smell!"

"You know we've probably passed it by now. Let's just open the windows."

"Fine."

"What are you doing with my coffee cup?"

"I'm moving it. I'm putting baking soda in the van as soon as we get home and this cup holder has been re-designated as a utopian baking soda smell remover spot. Maybe we should sprinkle some on the dashboard too."

Mind you even if the baking soda works in the van, there are certain smells that it can never overcome.

I walked outside the other day and immediately turned back around and closed the door.

"What's wrong?"

"Cow."

"Pardon?"

"C-oooow. It smells like cow outside."

"Cow?"

"I'm trying to be polite. It smells like cow fertilizer. That's still pretty polite actually. It smells like cow patties. Lots of them. I'm light-headed."

"Well it probably is cow related. We're surrounded by farms here."

"I know. Can I have a pillow?"

"Take a deep breath. You'll be fine. Yes I'll get a pillow."

"Can you sprinkle baking soda on it?"

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